Nothing's Free

            I graduated high school and ended up spending the next four years traveling…okay so maybe it was more like living out of tents with a bunch of hippies in random spots over the nation…but either way it was traveling!   I have learned many of life’s most important lessons on the road.  You know the lessons your parents try like hell to drill into your head, but you just have to find out on your own, the hard way. 

            Well, I over hear…okay maybe I was eavesdropping… on this young girl, all of about 20, going on about this man who was “spoiling” her with gifts.  And he didn’t want anything in return!  Hahahaha….silly girl!  Didn’t you ever watch “Pretty Woman”? 

            I remember learning this lesson!

            It was bar closing time in Clearwater, Florida, 4 friends and I came up with the bright idea that a trip to the Keys would be fun.  So we hop in the car at 3 AM and drive to Key West.  Well of course we pull into Key West about 10 oclock the next morning with the worst hangover from hell and extremely cramped from shoving 5 people in a Toyota corolla  for 7 hours.  Once there, the five of us “free spirits” decide it’s a cool place and that we’re gonna get jobs and hang there for a while.  I would say it was about day 3 when I am standing out in front of our hotel late at night.  A guy walks by and I stop him to bum a cigarette.  We begin talking for a while and he invites me to Denny’s for some late night breakfast…on him!  I’m like Hellz to the Yeah!  So we walk across the street and enjoy a yummy meal …but this is where it began to go sour.  The waitress brings us our bill, and the douchebag tells me he has no money to pay for it.

            Huh…? Seriously loser?  So the waitress is pissed,,rightfully so.  I am embarrassed, and get up to go to the bathroom while they argue it out.  When I came out of the bathroom, I notice a table of 3 older gentlemen staring at me, and one stops me as I walk by.  He asks what was goin on over there.  Me being the blunt person that I am tells them with hostility about this Jackass I just met that invited me out for some grub and now has no money to pay…How Embarassing!  Well one of the complete strangers offers to pay the bill to end the problem…Nice guy that he was.  He pays the bill for us, then looks at Jackass and tells him to apologize to me, and get the hell outta there.  The guy does and leaves with his tail tucked between his legs.  The guy who paid the bill, who we will call “sugar daddy”, invites me to sit and chat with him and his friends, and feeling obligated that this guy just got me out of this situation, I take him up on it.

            As I sit at the table the guys start asking me about my plans in the keys, and of course being the nieve little girl I was, I just start telling them how my friends and I are just partying and livin’ day to day.  Well then sugar daddy says he owns a bunch of property/condos on the island and offers for me and my friends to stay at one of his furnished water front cottages!  HECK YEAH!!   Not because he has other intentions, only because he cares.  Ha!  Boy was I a fool.  I do what every normal 20 year old girl would do.  I took him up on it.  So I was living the life for a while.  Living in a kickass waterfront condo, and sugar daddy was taking me to all the fancy shmancy places through the keys, shopping sprees, hell he even took me snorkeling…but of course he didn’t want sex, he was just being nice! Double Ha!

            I had called back home and of course tell my parents what I am up to and they Freak out!

MOM-“What!  Jennifer Ann!  What the hell are you thinking”

            “You know he is just trying to take advantage of you so he can get something”

ME-“Oh mom,, hes just being nice….You know there are still nice people in the world”

MOM-“Jennifer, you’re gonna get yourself raped!”

ME-“oh mom, I’m fine, He’s just a nice guy that didn’t want to see me living out of a tent”

            Why didn’t I listen to my mom?  Oh that’s right because I was 20 years old and I knew Everything !  Well needless to say, mom was right.  It was about a week after that he called and asked if I wanted to come hang in the pool. I was like, sure!  So I get over to his place and went in.  I’m yelling for him “Sugar Daddy!...Sugar Daddy”  ( not really but it has a ring to it huh!)  Finaly I hear him yell from upstairs..”I’m up here!  Come on up!”  I get to the top of the steps and I see what looks like very hairy legs hanging out of a little French Maid outfit stretched across the bed. I round the corner to see “sugar daddy” laying on the bed in womens lingerie masturbating.  And he looks up at me and smiles and says “do you like what you see”….EWWWW!!! Not at all, It was the most disgusting sight of my life.  I was officially scarred!  I abruptly made a U-Turn and ran for the door.  He playfully chases after me asking me if wanted to have some “FUN” .... I’ll pass, would probably have more fun choking on my own vomit, but thanks anyways!

           I'm pretty sure that this is about the point where I began learning that maybe, just possibly, my parents actually knew more than me.