Vending Machines

          So I am standing at a pop machine (that translates to soda machine to all you southerners/west coasters) I pull out a dollar bill and put it in the machine.  Well apparently the vending machine gods decided my dollar bill was too wrinkled and spit the bill right back out.  So I do what every normal person would do….shove it back in there!  Once again the wear and tear proves too much for the vending machine to handle and the bill comes shooting back out.  That’s It…I’ll show this damn machine, I will take the bill and smooth it out. Oh yeah, I pulled out all the tricks, even the one where you grab each end of the bill then rub it back and forth over the corner of the machine smoothing each side, putting the bill three inches from my face to inspect that there is absolutely NO edge popping up.  This is it! This has got too work! 

            Yet to my dismay, just as irritating as nails on a chalkboard, I hear the buzz of my bill being spit back out.  I must breakdown and admit that I need a new crisp bill.  I look in my purse, no more one dollar bills, not enough change, and  the damn thing won’t take debit.  So I say screw it.  . 

            Why is this such a hard thing to do?  Why do we ALWAYS have to put that bill in the machine over and over, knowing damn well the bill just sucks and should really be used for nothing more than a strippers thong at this point…..(Anyone sensing any symbolism yet?)

            At that point I walked my lazy butt to my apartment to get a CRISP one dollar bill. (Which I could have walked back and forth about 20 times in the same amount of time I screwed with the crappy dollar!)  I walk to the machine, pop it in, and voila, out came my soda!   I was so happy, almost like I had defeated that stupid machine.  I walk back home, happily sipping my soda when I had an epiphany..(yes this story does have a point!) 

            Holy Shit!  My ex is the wrinkled bill and the machine is the relationship.  Stay with me here. I know this sounds like some stoner shit…but its sooo true.  I kept putting that wrinkled up bill(the ex) in the machine(relationship) over and over and over, expecting the pop machine to finaly work and give a damn soda(love…awww).  All I would have had to do is get a nice crisp bill (new and improved man) and the machine would have worked.  Seems so simple, huh? 

            From now on….I'll take quarters!